Tuesday, November 15, 2005
A Thing or Two About Bart
I have this friend. Well...who can say what a friend is? His name is Black Bart. He is the pink pirate with the banjo. Standing in the foreground is some random bumpkin...most likely a sexual predator.
Anyway...what can I say about Black Bart? Well, for one thing, he's finally doing what America has been too lazy to do. He's invading China with no one to help but his sister and his girlfriend. He told me before he left, that they weren't supposed to drink the water. But if I know Bart (and I know Bart...very well), he will have built up a tolerance to it in a week flat. First, you gotta rub a little on your gums and see what happens. Then you take a little thimblefull, and slowly but surely, you will build up a tolerance. Then again, if not even the locals drink the water...I guess there's no point.
Black Bart is one of those enigmatic characters. Maybe not as wise as the Good Doctor, certainly not as good looking, but with a style and panache all his own. Did I mention that owns moon land? Yes, apparently you can do that. For a mere $150.00 you can own a plot in a neighborhood on the moon. You get a deed and everything. Some people said Bart was crazy. He would hear none of it. He said if he was ever in a court battle over it, he would rather be on the side that owned the moon land.
What else can you say about Black Bart? The nefarious "Pink Pirate of the Iron Range," has been rambunctioned into the annals of history by merely waggling a finger. He can heave a sigh, and women weep. He can laugh a laugh, and men will dance. He can strum a chord on his Banjo of the Lepton, and the whole world will quake in awe and wonderment! With a snap of his wrist, and a stroke of the brush, astonishing works of art are created. And you've gotta admit, he doesn't look half bad in pink.