Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Superficial Sacrifice

As you may well know, technology is the illegitimate love child of science and human caprice. We live in an age when technology reigns supreme. Everything we do is steeped in technology in some way or another. We can't even wake up in the morning without some form of high tech gadgetry announcing it. I use my goddamned cellphone as an alarm clock for chrissake.

It always gives me a small sense of satisfaction when something like this pops up in the ether.

This is how truly enlightened people solve their problems. Animal sacrifice. Yes, it's making a comeback. Ever had computer problems? Of course you have. Solve it by slitting a chicken's throat and letting the blood run over your motherboard. That'll solve all of your problems. Once and for all.

Is animal sacrifice even legal in the US? I'm not sure, and I'm not going to bother finding out, because this is way too tantalizing a practice not to embrace. Why take your TV set to a repair shop, when you can cut out the science and go straight for the caprice? It worked for the ancients, why not us?

It's not about being irrational here, folks. It's about saying "Fuck You!" to the established rules of measure. It's about throwing the industrial revolution out the window and saying, I'm going to do this the old fashioned way. I am going to embrace my animalistic, violent tendencies.

Bear in mind, people, that the airline in question is state-run by the Nepalese government. There are engineers and mechanics and crazy Hindu priests all trying to get to the bottom of this 757's failure. All on the tab of the Nepalese taxpayer.

It's like Henry VIII saying, "Fuck you, Pope. I'm starting my own religion. And people will still believe it like four hundred years later." They are literally making shit up to solve a mechanical--easily rationalized and deducted--problem.

Way to go, Nepal. Way to stick it to science. Way to stick it to rationality. It's a bunch of garbage anyway.


Growing Pains

Here it is, dear friends and readers. Proof that there is a God. We can rest easy, we can sit back, crack a beer, and look down our noses at everyone who's going to hell, so long as we believe. Just click here.

Here's another chance, in case you didn't click the link. It's really worth it.

Wow. Amazing. You know what's more impressive than Ray's argument? Kirk Cameron, sitting there, staring up at him in wide-eyed admiration.

You know who buys this argument? Kirk Motherfucking Cameron. That's who. Booyaa, bitches.

Kirk's actually been doing this for years, but only now have I taken the time to research his involvement in the big ad campaign in the sky. Kirk and Ray have a website. It's really awesome. That's right, wayofthemaster.com. First, I'd like to point out that it's not a ".org" website. This is a for profit venture, apparently. Now that's all well and good. I'm all about people making money off of other people's insecurities, but these guys are pros! Use a washed up teen idol to sell God! Brilliant!

The website itself is awesome. There's all sorts of good entertainment to be had, and I'm sure you'll all be converted and realize what horrible sinners you've all been and find Jesus, but I want to talk a little bit about the youtube video first.

First of all, let's look at the atheist's worst nightmare: The banana. Yup. You can say it. Holy shit. Yeah, who knew that atheists routinely have horrifying dreams about bananas sending them to hell?

But what's Ray actually saying in the above video clip? He's saying that the banana is an ideal food source almost like it was perfectly designed so we humans could eat it with minimal fuss. It's evidence, he says, of intelligent design. Well, actually Ray is saying it's proof. A crucial distinction. Are we talking about a preponderance of evidence to prove the existence of God? Or are we talking about clinching proof? I'll let you decide that one.

Also, I don't know if you know this, but there's a name for this argument, this intelligent design argument. It's called the Teleological Argument. And it's not new. Kirk is really good at making it seem like this is this new revolutionary idea. But, the first person we know about who put forth a teleological argument was Plato. Who's that you say? Look it up. Yeah, it's that old.

Also, it's pretty convincing. First of all, it can't be disproven easily because it's inductive rather than deductive. Also, it's being pushed by Kirk Cameron, who is so damned earnest.

Here's something else that's cool on wayofthemaster.com. It's a letter from an atheist. Fine, whatever. But I found it under the "Free Tools" tab on the site. But what does this page on the site do? It peddles a book of correspondence between Ray and said atheist. That's fucking amazing!

"Hi kids, I'm Kirk Cameron. I am going to give you something. A tantalizing taste of a battle between the intellectual giants that are Ray Comfort and James The Atheist. But I'm not going to just give you the whole thing. You've gotta pay me money for the whole shebang."

I'm not trying to ridicule Kirk Cameron folks. Far from it. I am lauding the guy as a goddamned genius. Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort--Comfort!--are following in the footsteps of all the great Jesus pushers. They have found a way to get rich off a guy who just wanted people to be nice to each other. Think of Cardinals, Popes, Crusaders, Priests, Televangelists, Ted Haggard, and Fred Phelps. These people are such good Christians that they have found a way to make money off it without besmirching the good name of Jesus Christ. And not only that, they have also managed to lead smashing careers as pederasts, idolaters, homosexuals, and bigots.

It's a sweet deal for those that can swing it, let me tell you. God bless them every one!