Monday, December 19, 2005
The Xmas Post
It's a funny thing about Xmas. I'm fairly certain--or at least as certain as one can be in these uncertain times--that Xmas doesn't bring anyone on this planet event he tiniest amount of joy, except for the children, but it's a tainted joy, because it centers around getting presents. You see, most people are so hell bent on making it the "best Xmas EVER," and are so wrapped up in making sure that everything goes like clockwork, that they forget to have a good time and stop being so stressed out. Holidays, especially the holidays, are the most stressful time of year, and I think Xmas, probably even more than St. Val's Day, has the highest suicide rate. And I'm sure most of those suicides are the direct result of a turkey that got a little too dry in the oven.
Weddings are the same way. People are way too stressed out to have a good time. Well, except for the guests who had nothing to do with the planning. They just drink the free booze, eat the free food, and dance with bridesmaids (or groomsmen). The actual people who are closest to the wedding itself, espcially the bride (it's her day), are the ones most likely to have panic attacks and high blood pressure on that big day. That's why I think eloping is much better.
Now, interestingly enough, funerals are the places where to the most sincere emotions are felt. Especially if the deceased was a truly loved person. People are too caught up in grief to worry about whether the funeral goes off without a hitch. And of course, some funerals are disasters (like if the coffin fell off the altar and the body fell out, and landed in a mangled heap), but most of the time, the actual disaster of losing a loved one outweights pretty much anything that could ever happen at the funeral itself.
The question: Why can't weddings and Xmases be more like funerals?
The answer: who knows? People are ridiculous.
The Good Doctor's Prescription: Have a fucking good time at Xmas, you ungrateful bunch of assholes. And if you don't, I will personally hunt you down, and shoot you full of happy drugs so that you can't help it.
Merry Xmas jerks!