Thursday, May 25, 2006
Take a close look, dear friends and readers. Sherwin Williams Paint, known by many for their truly staggering, nearly all-inclusive, verging on absurd in its diversity, palette of latex paints for all your household needs, may not be what you think it is.
Oh sure, they seem reputable; they couldn't dream of getting into nearly as much trouble as an Enron executive, however, I think that may not always be the case. I believe--and I think that if you follow me closely, that you will also agree--that Sherwin Williams Paint is actually a front company, secretly funneling money to an underground communist conspiracy.
Oh yes, it's true. And the evidence is all here in the logo. First of all, let's look at the can of paint in the logo. It symbolizes the organization itself. S.W.P. supposedly stands for "Sherwin Williams Paint," however, I believe that their clever use of an acronym opens it up for multiple interpretations: i.e. the Socialist Worker's Party. Coincidence? I think not.
Also, and this is simply too obvious, the globe in the center of the logo symbolizes the planet Earth. But what is that coming out of the paint can? It's red paint. Red paint. And what is the universal color of communism? I think my point is clear.
And let's not forget that they are using a "Cover the Earth" slogan. This could be seen literally, as though the company simply wishes to cover the entire planet in a uniform coat of high quality glossy latex. But in this environmentally conscious day and age, this seems unlikely. Thus, it can only be the case that the red paint in the logo symbolizes a political ideology. And the only political ideology associated with the color red is: you guessed it Communism.
To make it even more apparent, take a very close look at the globe itself. You can make out the outline of northwest Africa and Europe. That means that at the top of the globe is North America. Yes, that's right. America is their first target in a worldwide Communist coup d etat!
I rest my case.
Now you ask, "What should we do about this, Doctor?" I'll tell you what we should do: inform everyone you know about this conspiracy. These two-faced collaborators with Red China and ex-Soviet socialists are probably responsible for our failure in Vietnam! They sabotaged us from the inside! They're probably even funding terrorism (uh...moreso than our own government already is, and well...everyone who uses gasoline).
Do not use their paint! They must be stopped! Brought down in the name of such ambiguous ideas as "Freedom," "Democracy," and "The American Way of Life!" Because if you don't, the commies will take over. And if that happens, God help us all, because the Good Doctor is fleeing to Canada where they have nationalized health care.