Friday, May 11, 2007
If only we'd listened to James Cameron! This never would have happened!
Bear with me, gentle readers. This is...unprecedented I know, but I thought I needed to warn you. It is only on matters of utmost urgency that I would ever post more than is strictly necessary to maintain the ruse that "Yeah, sure, I keep a little blog on that internet thing."
So rest assured that two posts in one day is the result of very terrible news that has just been sent across my desk.
But this could be the end of existence as we know it! And you my dear friends needed to be the first to know.
How closely did you read the article? Did you read the part where it said, "They are now sending voice, images and other data over the Skynet 5A platform."
I repeat: "Skynet 5A platform."
Yes, my friends, Judgement Day is coming. And that, right soon. Stock your basements, hole up in your bomb shelters, and do not use the internet more than is strictly necessary. Skynet is a devious machination that will infect your computer without you even knowing it. I suspect Japan will be the first to suffer, because there, everything is computerized, even their goddamned toilets.
Imagine it, because it could happen to you: Sitting on the can, reading a Nancy Drew mystery while you relax all of your muscles. A malicious computer virus infects your high tech toillette, and, with a monstrous schlupping sound, an oozing disturbing sense of loss comes over you as your bowels are sucked right out your asshole!
It will happen! Mark my words! Be afraid, America! Be afraid even to poop!